Etiquette FAQ
Who pays for what?
Traditionally the brides family paid for the wedding ceremony and reception, the groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner, and the groom paid for the honeymoon. Today, any combination of financing is more common. Often, overall costs are shared, with each group giving what they comfortably can. Budget should be discussed early and be clear about amounts and expectations for how the funds will be spent.
How do I choose attendants?
There is no etiquette to this. Think about the people who are closest to you, and who will help you with the planning. Most often it is sisters/brothers, future sister/brother-in-lawss, closest friends from school or your life now.
What do we register for, if we already have all the household items we need?
Many couples have enough household items, so asking for unconventional gifts if fine, but it’s all in how you ask for it. There are registry options at stores such as Home Depot, REI, and honeymoon registries. Alternatively, if you are looking for cash, this is best to be spread by word of mouth by family and bridal party, "Anything you give would be nice, they could really use help saving for a down payment on their first home." Ultimately, the choice of the gift is always up to the giver.
How do I tell people I am not inviting children?
It is easiest to mention this on your wedding website or by word of mouth, "we have decided not to invite children. We hope you understand and can share in our day." Do not make exceptions for some guests. The only children that should be at an adult reception only are the child attendants. It is curtious to arrange a room and babysitter for friends and family members that are traveling with children.
What do I do when guests don’t RSVP?
Start calling a week before your final numbers are due at your venue/caterer. Enlist close family members and bridal party to help. When calling or leaving messages provide the invited guest with a final date deadline to get back to you, 2-3 days from calling.
Who is invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Anyone who participates in the rehearsal and very close family: the officiate (and spouse), the wedding party, flower girls and ring bearers (if old enough), any readers, the couple’s parent’s, grandparents, siblings, and any children from previous marriages. It is considerate to invite, godparents, aunts, unless, and cousins who have travelled far to attend the wedding. Any spouses, finace(s)s or live-in romantic partners of any of these guests are invited as well.
Where do stepparents sit?
Stepparents always sit with their spouse, both at the ceremony and reception. Do not sit divorced couples or their new spouses at the same table at the reception. At the ceremony location, your mother (and her current spouse r partner) would sit in the first row with maternal grandparents and your father (and his current spouse or partner) in the next one with paternal grandparents.
Can I invite only some co-workers?
If you invite some of your co-workers, treat them as friends, not co-workers in this situation. Send them invitations to their home address, and don’t discuss the event or planning in front of others at work.
(*) Some information provided by Emily Post Institute
